


Kittens Will Make Your Sad Go Away

by cappac



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Monster Hunters, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Present Tense, a lot of talk of genitalia but not in the sexy way, clone gavins, ghost lindsay, some hardcore geoff and gavin best friend times, some light gore and squicky stuff probably, some self-conscious geoff but honestly there is nothing near angst in this fic, the tuggwood will only be in the last chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-03 17:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4109934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cappac/pseuds/cappac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>None of the Gavins have ever been particularly sad, at least as long as Geoff has known them. Pissy, maybe, but never sad. Which is why Gavin 6’s new habit of listening to depressing Pearl Jam songs while woefully staring at the Halo ODST start screen is slightly worrying.</p><p>Geoff honestly doesn’t know which is stranger, Gav’s inexplicable sadness or the miniature troll currently trying to stuff itself up Michael Jones’s right nostril.</p><p>aka How Geoff Ramsey got the guy, adopted a cat, saved his best friend, and only had to ask Burnie for help, like, twice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't feel the need to call this a fusion, but it is an au HIGHLY inspired by the John Dies at the End books. You don't need to have any knowledge of the books to read it, and it won't follow the plotline of the books by any means so you won’t be spoiled if you have!

In the half of a decade that Gavin 6 has lived with Geoff he has never once done the dishes. Geoff knows this is because Gavin 6, like the rest of the Gavins, is an asshole. The Gavins were made to kill monsters, not do chores, and Geoff knew Gavin Prime as well as anyone. Gavin Prime would never do the dishes if he knew someone else would eventually. 

Unfortunately, Gavin 6 has inherited Gavin Prime’s laziness.

So every Friday night Geoff finds himself loading plates spattered red from both blood and pizza rolls into the dishwasher, while Gavin 6 gets ready for his gig at nine.

Gavin 6- referred to by those who created him as Geoff’s Gavin, and referred to by Geoff as simply Gav- is in a band. 

They are horrendous, Geoff knows, even though he’s never heard them play. It is common knowledge across the entire town of Achievement that every Friday night the meeting place for a number of people- druggies, zombies, hipsters- is an abandoned Kmart parking lot. Gav’s band, The Lads, has somehow managed to secure a permanent position playing there every week. Geoff imagines it is because no cares enough to ask them to leave.

Geoff can hear Gav singing loudly from upstairs, and wonders if any of the other Gavins have expressed an interest in music. He’s always been fascinated by how the Gavins’ experiences make them different from one another. Burnie claims that they’re all identical but Geoff knows that isn’t true. Gavin 3- Joel’s Gavin- would _absolutely_ do the dishes.

The singing becomes louder as Gav descends the staircase- Geoff can’t tell for the life of him what song it is, but the understandable lyrics makes it’s clear it’s not an original- and a disharmony of noises start. A series of impatient honks from a car outside, Gav squawking in surprise, and “’m off to the gig Geoffrey!” shouted pleasantly. And then, always a treat living with a Gav, silence.

But the treat of silence is a double-edged sword, much like the one Geoff has in the garage. Alone Geoff is left with his thoughts, and he has found over the years that his own brain can be the nastiest monster of all.

Though, the one currently crawling around in the sink is pretty fucking gross.

It’s not recognizable to Geoff at first glance, but if he has to describe it as something he would say it is a sentient ball sack with too many balls to be human. And it has teeth. A lot of teeth.

He spends about two hours stabbing it with various blades- including one that recites lines from Blade, which has to be the most annoying weapon ever- with no results. The ball sack simply reconnects immediately as it’s cut up. Shooting it is a last resort, but even that only leads to pitch black blood in the sink and a very pissed off ball sack.

He keeps an eye on the ball sack to make sure it doesn’t sprout wings or some shit, and he picks up his newest burner cell to call Burnie.

“You have reached the offices of Burnie Burns, world specialist in the paranormal, supernatural, and otherwise fucking weird. Burnie is in a meeting right now but I-”

“Ashley, it’s Geoff.” Geoff likes Ashley, a reformed siren who Burnie had charmed with his million dollar industry of monster hunting or his wonderful personality or something. She is smart and attractive and runs her own supernatural private investigation on the side. All too good for Burnie, Geoff thinks.

“Oh, hey Geoff! Another basilisk trying to go up unsavory places?” That had been a very bad day.

“There’s a ball sack creature in my sink.”

Ashley laughs. “Sounds like something we encountered in Australia. I’ll put you through.”

The hold music since Ashley has started working with Burnie is the X-Files theme, which makes Geoff smile even the hundredth time he hears it, but it only plays for a few seconds before Burnie’s launching into a spiel about the ball sack monster he and Ashley found in their hotel room in Australia.

“…and it almost ruined the vacation, to be honest. Ball sacks are fucking ugly. Anyway, Gavin 2 and I are summoning a demon, so just vacuum the fucker up and you’re good.”

Geoff wonders briefly when the last time he actually spoke to Burnie during one of the phone calls was.

The ball sack has calmed down since Geoff stopped trying to kill it, and looks rather peaceful lying in the sink. Nine or ten years ago, maybe, Geoff would have hesitated before vacuuming it up.

Not anymore.

As soon as it’s all vacuumed up, and the vacuum is placed in the garbage outside, Geoff grabs a drink. He has never been resentful of Burnie. Burnie had asked Geoff to branch out on his own once they all got their own Gavins because he knew Geoff didn’t want the life they were living. He had Geoff move to this crappy little town crawling with supernatural shit so he wouldn’t have to deal with the bullshit that Burnie, Hullum, and Joel did. The fame and ridicule and publicity of being a world-known monster hunting firm.

But alone in a quiet house and a drink in his house and having to call Burns to deal with a simple ball sack in the sink, Geoff’s traitorous, horrible mind had to wonder if maybe he was asked to leave because Burnie was sick of helping him out.

* * *

 

Geoff is pretty sure he owns more cell phones in one year than an entire fucking suburban family of four owns their entire lives combined. The digital age has been a time of rejoice for creatures like ear slugs, and Geoff and Gav both have had enough ear slug infections to last a lifetime, so he ends up getting them both new cell phones every time an old one shows even the slightest sheen of slime. The problem with constantly changing phones and numbers though, was that Geoff was never sure who was texting and calling him.

A text reading “Michael is being a right bastard. Come get me.” though, could very obviously only be from one person.

Geoff hasn’t been to the abandoned Kmart parking lot since he cleared it out of some monsters that lived in the asphalt, but it’s close enough to the house and he’s lived in this town long enough he can’t imagine getting lost.

A quick glance at his phone tells Geoff it’s half past midnight, and it shows in the amount of activity on the streets. He barely passes any humans, but the spirits and zombies are out in full force tonight. Kazoo Cemetery is nearby, which explains the high numbers. There is even a vampire child sucking a bright red lollipop in front of the town’s only toy store. None of them seem to be causing harm so Geoff lets them be, and arrives at his destination just in time to see Gavin being wrestled to the ground by who can only be Michael Jones.

Geoff has seen Michael before. Not in real life, but in selfies and silly videos taken by Gav. In those Michael is usually grinning or laughing, curly hair falling around his face, looking positively cherubic. Right now Michael Jones looks rather scary- face red from exertion, eyes narrowed and lips pursed, his short haircut making him look older than Geoff assumed he was from Gav’s pictures.

Geoff gets out of the car, not bothering to lock it, and makes his way to the boys just in time for Michael to show mercy to Gav. They both lay separated on the ground for a few moments, panting heavily, before noticing Geoff standing off to the side and watching them. Gav jumps up immediately and begins clinging to Geoff, while Michael eyes them speculatively as he sits up.

Michael’s eyes drop to Geoff’s tattoos appraisingly for a few seconds before meeting his eyes. “You don’t look like I expected.”

What had Michael expected? Geoff chooses to ignore the statement, having no idea what Gavin had told his dumb band mates about them. “If you want to keep beating him up, you can. I thought it was pretty funny.”

Michael gives out a startled laugh at the same time Gavin makes an affronted noise and walks away, leaving Geoff looking at Michael in silence. His legs are spread out in front of him, showcasing the huge holes in his jeans and the skinned knees under them.

“It looks like you need some new jeans.” As soon as Geoff says it he feels stupid, even more so at Michael’s amused face.

“Man, how old are you?” The question doesn’t sound mean, mainly curious, so Geoff feels obliged to answer.

“Forty.”

“Twenty-eight,” Michael says, and it takes a few moments to Geoff to realize he’s stating his own age. “Forty is a bit young to be a sugar daddy, isn’t it?”

Geoff is still thinking about Michael’s age- God, he looks younger than that- so he almost misses what he had said after. He sputters, coughing loudly and clears his throat before he asks, “Did Gav tell you that?”

Michael is laughing at his reaction, and shaking his head. “Nah. Just you know, pretty English dude and mysterious older man living together. Pretty shady.”

Geoff laughs too, and sees Michael smile when he does. “Well it’s not true. I may house him, feed him, and buy him shit, but I don’t get any return.”

“Good to know. Sorry about the guitar you’re going to have to replace then.” Michael is looking more and more like he does in the pictures Geoff has seen, smiling broadly and mischievously.

“What did you do to Gav’s guitar?”

“I might have Belushi’d it.”

Geoff has to laugh at that, loud and high, the mental image of Michael ripping Gav’s guitar out of his hands and bashing it on the ground too funny to not. “Fuck, Michael, that’s fine as long as there’s a video of it somewhere.”

Michael’s grin hasn’t faltered. “I bet I could get you one."

It’s a miracle that Gav hasn’t returned to see what they’re talking about, with his lack of patience, so even though Geoff is pretty sure just from their short conversation he could talk to Michael for hours, he says goodbye. “I’ll see you around, Michael.”

“Later.”

Geoff is used to feeling eyes on him, and as he walks towards his car he knows Michael is watching and it makes Geoff feel… good. Good in a way he can’t quite pinpoint.

He makes it to the car just in time to see Gav, all petulance dissipated, hanging halfway out of the passenger side window and calling out to someone. “Hey, do you need a ride?”

Geoff’s brought out of his still lingering thoughts of Michael Jones by annoyance at Gav, probably-drunkenly offering rides to strangers. It takes Geoff a few moments to see who Gav’s talking to, and when he does he realizes it isn’t a stranger at all.

“I’m good.” Ray Narvaez Jr is the third reluctant member of The Lads, and not completely human. Geoff isn’t sure what it is about the man that sets his radar off, and Gav has never mentioned noticing it. “Thanks man.”

Ray is small, shorter and thinner than even Gav, and despite almost constantly wearing his hood up and lurking in dark corners he has always seemed harmless. He takes a few more steps back and he’s gone, vanishing into the dark. Geoff has never spoken to him, and certainly doesn’t not like him, but there is something about a very obviously supernatural being blending in so seamlessly with humans that would set any monster hunter on edge.

Geoff starts to get into the car. “Where does that kid live?” He asks this as nonchalant as he can manage, watching Gav fiddle with the radio dials. He starts the car and drives out of the lot, slightly surprised at all the people- human and not- still lingering.

“Dunno. We always meet at Michael’s, the bastard.” Gav’s sprawled out across his seat, heels pressing into the dash. Geoff briefly considers telling him to cut it out, but decides he has been reminded of his age enough today.

“Speaking of-”

“A little kitty!!!”

Geoff slows the car a little at Gav’s screech, thinking maybe a kitten is crossing the road, but realizes the kitten is a whole lot closer as Gav scoops the thing from under his seat and brings it to his face.

What Gav says next is muffled a little by fur, but Geoff is pretty sure he it’s something like, “Look it, Geoff, I found us a kitty!”

“You didn’t find shit dude, that cat found us.” And it is a small cat, not a kitten, brown and white all over. Geoff’s always been fond of cats, though not as much as Gav is, and the little fucker is pretty cute luxuriating in Gav’s arms as he finally stops kissing at it. “Besides you can’t keep it, it has a owner.”

“Oh, how would you know that?”

“He has a fucking collar, idiot.”

"Oh, let’s see what the little lovely’s name is!"

Gav occupied with poking at the cat’s collar, Geoff picks up the speed again. It’s almost one in the morning and Geoff has, like, things to drink before eventually passing out on the couch.

“His nametag is all scratched up,” Gav sounds oddly serious, sounding out the letters still visible. “E…g…and I think that’s another g. His name’s Egg!”

Geoff laughs hard at that. “That’s the dumbest fucking name I have ever heard. Maybe the cat is ours.” He glances over to see Gav smiling broadly and murmuring something to Egg, bringing it close to his face again. The cat is docile as fuck, simply licking at it’s paws.

A few minutes into the drive Egg leaps from Gav’s arms into Geoff’s lap. Geoff smiles a little and lets a hand fall from the steering wheel to pet him. “I think we may need another asshole around the house.” When Geoff meets Gav’s eyes, the clone smiles broadly, teeth showing and eyes crinkling.

Geoff looks back towards the road, continuing to pet Egg while Gav starts to tell him how exactly he pissed off Michael enough to get him to lose his head and destroy a guitar. The story has Geoff almost crying he’s laughing so hard.

Gavin 6, like the rest of the clones, has only been around for eleven years, though he has Gavin Prime’s memories. As far as Geoff knows, Gavin 6 is the only one of the clones who has his own life outside of monster hunting. Granted, playing in a shit band and having biweekly “swimmy bevs” isn’t much of a life, but it was still something Gav had found on his own.

Maybe it’s because he wasn’t apart of creating the clones, but Geoff’s never seen Gav as not quite human like most hunters seem to. Gav’s an asshole, but he is also the only person Geoff has ever met who can make him laugh no matter what and has stuck with him through the fucking bullshit that has been the past few years. 

Gav, Geoff thinks, is probably more human than the rest of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Occasionally, more and more as he gets older, Geoff wonders if he should follow the path of Gus.

Gustavo Sorola III- the first best friend Geoff ever had in his adult life, and the reason he met Burnie in the first place- is an IT guy in Austin, Texas. Before two years ago however, he was a monster hunter like the rest of them who had been “gifted” with the ability to see supernatural in the way normal humans can’t. But Gus, in his constant wisdom, decided to fuck any “moral obligations” and leave the world of monster hunting behind.

Geoff does not pride himself on being an upstanding citizen, and on days where reports of a fucking assassin vine are coming in from a few towns away and Gav is acting like what can only be described as a fucking pisspot, following Gus’ footsteps seems like the smartest thing to do.

A fucking assassin vine is honestly too much for Geoff to deal with at this point in his life.

And Gav’s apparently decided literally anything is too much for him to deal with. Ever since the morning after the guitar fiasco he has been either in his bed or on the couch, only getting up to piss or grab a beer. And barely even then.

Geoff understands- really fucking understands- the desire to be lazy, but Gav doesn’t even seem to be doing it because he wants to. The clone hasn’t laughed in two days, not even when Geoff nearly broke his entire asshole tripping over Egg the cat.

This is very, very worrying. Geoff has been trying to give Gav his space, because they are both grown fucking adults, kind of, but there is a difference between giving someone space and allowing them to drink themselves into oblivion while halfway playing Halo.

A knock sounds from the front door, and Geoff is filled with dread at the thought of answering it to only find something else strange to deal with.

It is in fact something strange, but instead of a monster it is Michael Jones, standing somewhat awkwardly in the doorway with his hands shoved in his pockets. “Hey, Geoff.”

“Uh, Michael, hey.” To say Geoff is surprised would not quite cover it. “Here to see Gav?”

“Uh, not really.” Michael shifts, eyes flickering briefly to the ground before meeting Geoff’s. “Can I come in?”

Geoff steps out of the way to let Michael come in and closes the door before glancing outside quickly to make sure nothing was following him in. Turning back and seeing the mess the apartment was, he- dumbly, unreasonably- wished he had known Michael was coming over so he could have cleaned up a bit.

“Hey fuckface, thanks for responding to my texts the past few days.”

Gav looks more alive at Michael’s appearance than he has in days, sitting up and letting his controller fall next to him on the couch. “Michael… what are you doing here boy?”

Michael glances to Geoff quickly before answering. “I need to talk to Geoff about something.”

Gav’s only response to that is to let his gaze fall back to the Halo ODST pause screen.

It’s very awkward in the room, Geoff standing by the door and processing this new information- Michael is here to see him?- while Michael looks at Gav, clearly annoyed. He turns his glare to Geoff.

“Let’s go into the kitchen.” Geoff finds his mind racing as he leads Michael into the other room- why is Michael here, what does he want, could he know what is wrong with Gav- but as soon as they are in the room Michael says one name that pretty much explains everything.

“Caleb Denecour said you could help me out.”

It takes everything Geoff has not to immediately pick up the phone and call that Frisbee throwing bitch and tell him to fucking call ahead before sending patients to Geoff’s house. “Of course, right, that asshole. So you’re not feeling well?”

Michael nods, and leans against the kitchen counter. Geoff notices he’s wearing the same torn up jeans as before. “I’ve had a sinus infection for like, four months. None of the medicine the doctors given me works, and Caleb’s an old friend. He said I should get in contact with you, and I already knew where you live so. I tried to tell Gavin I was coming over to give you some warning but he’s-”

“Not being very responsive right now, yeah.” Geoff can’t help but glance into the living room to see if Gav is paying any interest to the proceedings in the kitchen. He isn’t. “Michael, you go ahead and sit down, I’ll go get my, uh, stethoscope and shit.”

Michael smirks a little as he sits himself down at the kitchen table. “Whatever you say Dr. Ramsey.”

Geoff isn’t a doctor at all but he is often sent patients that Caleb- a nurse at Achievement’s only walk in clinic- believes have problems that are more supernatural in origin than bacterial or viral.

Geoff does actually own a stethoscope but not much else that could make him seem any more doctoral, so he’s hoping Michael doesn’t actually know that much about sinus infections.

Ten minutes later, he is still violently cursing Caleb in his head as he finds himself on his knees poking inside Michael Jones’ nostrils with tweezers. The biggest downfall to Caleb sending Geoff potential clients is that when Caleb is wrong, Geoff is the one stuck with a sick asshole in his kitchen that he literally has no idea how to help.

Michael is starting to seem like one of those, when Geoff hears it.

Something is snoring _inside_ of Michael’s right nostril.

“Tilt your head back more.”

Michael seems surprised at the sudden order but complies immediately, and Geoff can’t help but groan loudly when it becomes very clear what has been causing Michael pain.

The troll is very small, about half the size of a cheerio, and obviously the mucus incubator that is the inside of a nose was serving as a great home to the creature. Now that Geoff can see the creature he attempts to pull it out using the tweezers, which only results in the little bastard waking up and scooting further up the nostril.

“What the fuck?” Michael jerks back away from Geoff and one hand flies up to cover his nose and he looks betrayed, like a little kid.

“There is something stuck in your nose. I’ll be right back, I need to grab something from the other room.”

Michael looks annoyed but doesn’t say anything more as Geoff flees into the living room. He grabs the first phone he sees and enters Burnie’s number.

“Hey Gavo, what’s going on?”

Geoff is really fucking pissed off that apparently Burnie answers Gav’s phone calls himself when his own calls are answered by Ashley if at all, but he forces himself to take a deep breath and push the information to the back of his mind until later.

“It’s Geoff. How do you get a troll out of someone’s nostril?”

There’s a silence over the line. When Burnie finally responds, he sounds annoyed. “You have to bribe it with meat. Raw beef, preferably.”

“Great, thanks Burns.” Geoff goes to hang up, but apparently Burnie isn’t done yet.

“Geoff, we had a case like this in 2008.”

Geoff remembers as soon as he hears it. It was a young girl whose parents had assumed had shoved a toy up her nose. They had to bribe the girl with a lollipop to insure that she didn’t tell her parents that Doctor Ramsey and Doctor Burns had gotten the “toy” out using raw hamburger meat. “Oh, yeah. That kid.”

“Couldn’t you have remembered that before you called me?”

Geoff’s anger comes back full force and he has to grit his teeth to stop from saying something he might really regret later. “Right, sorry to be such a fucking bother.”

“Geoff, wai-” Geoff slams the phone shut and throws it at where Gav is still lounging on the couch.

“Are you going to be a fucking help at all today? Do what you were made for?” Gav just stares at him and Geoff curses before going back into the kitchen.

Michael is standing, looking cautious and not at all comfortable. “I should probably go, you seem to have a lot going on and-”

“Hold on.” Michael looks pissed that Geoff cut him off but silences anyway. Geoff takes a deep breath- knowing that this will be considerably harder than buying some kid’s secrecy with candy. “I am about to do something very strange, and then show you something even stranger, but you have to keep your calm.”

Michael is looking the opposite of calm, glancing towards the door every few seconds and keeping his hands in his pocket. “I am going to leave.” He sounds confident, not scared at all, but his body language is betraying him.

Geoff has never told anyone about the monsters that the majority of the population never sees. He’s never had to. In the old days business like that was left to Burnie and Joel, the most personable of the group and even the few citizens of Achievement that knew about their towns high supernatural population had figured it out on their own. Now that he has to, it’s a very daunting task.

“If you want to leave, I can’t stop you but before you do just answer me this. Have you ever seen something that you couldn’t explain? A person or a creature that just seemed off?” Geoff is watching Michael’s face carefully and sure enough, as soon as Geoff says the words Michael is glancing towards the living room. “Have you ever noticed that something about Gav is a bit off?”

“Well yeah, he’s a fucking idiot.” Michael’s tone is dry but Geoff can practically see the gears turning in his head.

“We both know that’s not what I mean, Michael.”

“What the fuck do you mean then? Gav isn’t human? You can’t expect me to believe that.”

“He’s not _not_ a human if that helps. Gav is a clone that was created to help me hunt and kill dangerous monsters. One of which is residing in your right nostril.” Saying it out loud to a normal person really does make it seem stranger than it does in Geoff’s head, but Michael isn’t screaming or hyperventilating so it must sound at least a little understandable.

“There’s a monster in my fucking nose!?” Well, he isn’t hyperventilating. “What the fuck?” Both of Michael’s hands are suddenly touching his nose, and Geoff steps forward.

“Wait, wait, don’t.” Michael freezes, and Geoff reaches out to lead Michael’s hands away from the troll and back at his sides. Michael’s hands are warm, and almost distract Geoff from the mission at hand. “You’ll, uh, you’ll just piss him off.”

“What is it?” Michael’s quieted down but he still looks annoyed, and Geoff realizes that this guy’s response to things must be annoyance and anger. “Can you get it out?"

“He’s a troll, a miniature one of course. The size of a dick hair but he can pack a punch. And yeah, I can get him out.  He just needs to be… coaxed.”

By the time Geoff is once again on his knees putting things near Michael’s nose- this time a spoonful of raw beef- both Gav and Egg had made themselves witness to the event. Gav is standing by the door, looking glassy eyed and desolate even in the presence of his best friend sticking meat in his other best friend’s nose, but Egg has taken a very keen interest in the raw beef. Geoff’s had to shoo the cat away four times before finally just giving him a piece, at which Egg ate it in a bite and fled back to Gav’s arms. “I think I got him, Michael.”

Michael just grunts, still clearly pondering what Geoff had told him. A few moments of Geoff muttering and Michael gasps as something slides out of his nostril and into the spoon of meat. “Oh my god.”

Geoff takes great care to place the spoon on the table before throwing his arms up in the air in excitement. “Yes! I fucking evicted that piece of shit troll! Fuck!” When Geoff is finished celebrating, Michael is staring at the spoon and Gav is still just petting Egg. “Yeah, thanks for the congratulations, motherfuckers.”

Michael is clearly ignoring Geoff. “Where is it?”

“You’re a human. Most monsters are hidden from view of humans. They’re on a different plane of reality.” It is fucking late and Geoff really does not want to have the 'science behind monster hunting' talk.

Michael looks at Gav before meeting Geoff’s eyes. “So you’re not human either?”

“No, I am human. I’m just different.” Geoff smiles grimly, and says with no lack of irony: “I have a gift.”

“You know, the fact that you’re the only person who can see monsters makes it a whole lot harder for me to believe you.” Michael presents this with a smirk, a challenge, and Geoff can’t imagine not taking him up on it.

“Gav can see it!” Both men look towards Gav, who says nothing. “God damn it, Gav, if you’re not going to say anything at least get me those fucking glasses.”

“They’re on the mantle,” Gav says unmoving, and won’t look at Geoff.

“Gavin, I am going to kick your ass later.” There’s a beat before Geoff shoulders past Gav to grab the glasses from the mantle in the next room.

“Are those the glasses from Ray’s Halloween costume?” Michael is staring at them incredulously as Geoff places them on the table. Geoff had no idea that’s where the silly glasses- black and wide rimmed with red swirls painting the lenses- had come from. All he knows is that they had been in the room when Geoff was attempting a spell to help humans see monsters back in 2014, and the glasses were affected.

“Put them on.”

Michael does and it is clear that it takes effort for him not to gasp as he looks at the spoon where the troll, still luxuriating in his meal, rests.

“Believe me now?”

Geoff watches Michael as he takes off and puts on the glasses a few more times. He’s gone paler than seems normal, and Geoff wonders if there was maybe a way he could have explained this all more gently.

Suddenly Michael stands up, looking at Gavin and then Geoff, the glasses still on his face. “I- uh, thanks, Geoff.” And then he’s running, shoving past Gavin to leave out the front door. It happens so quickly by the time Geoff has followed him and stepped outside the house, Michael has already started his car and is driving away. Geoff can’t tear himself away and watches until Michael’s car has disappeared from sight. A noise catches his attention and he sees that Egg has joined him outside. He reaches down to rub his head but Egg just takes off inside, only stopped when he’s resting on Gav’s chest.

Geoff doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that Gav is spread out on the couch again, eyes closed and clearly not even pretending to be doing anything. He locks up and grabs a drink, just barely remembering to squish the troll. He returns to the living room and stands over the clone. “Head up.” Gav opens one eye slightly and indulges him, letting Geoff take his place at one end of the couch and letting his head rest in Geoff’s lap.

“Do you think Michael will tell anyone, Geoffrey?”

Geoff can’t help but laugh, though he’s not sure why, and he leans his head back. “How would I fucking know, Gav? He’s your friend.”

Gav attempts to shrug, both eyes closing again. “I don’t think he will.”

A few minutes pass and Gav’s breaths get audibly deeper. Geoff doesn't want to ask, is afraid of the answer, but knows he has to. “Gav?”

“Ye?” 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Despite the harsh words Geoff’s tone is soft, almost parental.

“I don’t know, Geoff. But we’ll find out yeah?”

Geoff doesn’t say anything in response. His hand rests on Gav’s head, and no one has to know if he spends the rest of the night too worried- about Gav’s sadness, about Michael telling the town, about Burnie thinking of Geoff as a burden- to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter sure did take it's time being written, i hope you enjoy it! :D
> 
> hmu at cinnabonthetrex.tumblr.com pls


	3. Chapter 3

On the Wednesday evening that Michael Jones calls him about a giant spider, Geoff is trying to break into a Starbucks a town over.

Starbucks is, as most of the supernatural world knows, a company created by sirens to do something to humans. Geoff isn’t sure why, and even reformed sirens such as Ashley Jenkins haven’t given him or the other monster hunters any hints. Geoff isn’t even sure _what_ the sirens are doing to humans who drink Starbucks, or if it is even that much of a concern, but it’s a mystery he likes to work on in his spare time. Normally Gav would be with him, but Gav is still living on the couch with only beer and a “It doesn’t get Eddie Vedder than this” tee shirt to keep him company.

So Geoff finds himself alone on a Wednesday at midnight, failing to break into a Starbucks.

The phone ringing scares Geoff more than he would ever admit, and he answers it quickly. “What?” 

“Uh, is this a bad time?” Geoff recognizes the voice immediately which he realizes is probably a problem.

“Michael. Yeah, or no, I mean… what’s up?”

There’s a pause, and a deep breath before Michael answers. “Is a giant spider something you could take care of? Like, as a person who sees monsters?”

This is a business call, Geoff realizes, remembering that Michael had taken the glasses in his hurry to escape. “How big are we talking?”

“It’s the size of a Volkswagen bug.”

Geoff can’t help but let out a low whistle. “Fucking Christ. Yeah, that sounds like my jurisdiction. Where is it at?” 

“My apartment complex, uh, I’ll text you the address?”

* * *

 

 

It only takes forty minutes to get to Michael’s apartment from the Barboursville Starbucks, but that is plenty of time for Geoff to really fucking work himself up over this giant spider thing. Honestly, even normal sized spiders are a fucking hassle.

Michael is sitting outside the complex, looking decidedly pissed to be dealing with a giant spider so late. Geoff parks and walks to where Michael is sitting, holding the silly red swirled glasses in his hands.

“So where is this motherfucker?”

Michael smirks a little, and points to the second floor of the complex. “My neighbor’s balcony. I can get us in, I’m plant sitting for him while he visits his girlfriend in Australia.”

“How kind of you.”

“Yeah, he’s an asshole but you know.”

Michael leads Geoff inside and up a single flight of stairs before stopping in front of a door. “This is it.”

“Alright, I’ll take care of it, and come get you when it’s gone.” Geoff is reaching for the doorknob but Michael reaches out to stop him, his fingers landing on Geoff’s wrist. “Yes?”

“I want to watch you.” Michael holds up the glasses. “I mean, can I watch you?” 

Geoff wants to say no, because failure is more embarrassing with an audience, but spending a little bit more time with Michael sounds exactly like how Geoff would like to spend the time between one and two in the morning. Geoff smiles. “Of course.”

 They make their way to the balcony, where Geoff finds the spider to be docile but pretty fucking scary. He stares at it, hoping to find a clue on how he could possibly get rid of it.

 “So, this is your job? How do you get into the business?” Michael has the glasses on but isn’t even looking at the spider, instead looking at Geoff. He looks ridiculous in them, and it calms Geoff a little, some cute guy in pajama bottoms and a tee shirt for some show Geoff doesn’t recognize and silly glasses that were apparently made for some Halloween costume.

“When you’re one of five humans on Earth who can see the supernatural, and you’re not a total piece of shit, you do something about it.” Geoff turns away from the spider as well.

“And Gavin? You said he is a clone.”

“He is. One of five.” Geoff doesn’t elaborate, because talking about Gavin Prime makes him feel both uncomfortable and guilty.

Michael seems to sense this, and moves on to another topic. “I told Ray- me and Gav’s bandmate?- about the troll thing. Uh, I was freaking out a bit and needed to make sure I was still sane. He was cool about it, he’s cool about weird shit. He won’t tell anyone. Neither will I of course. You don’t have to wipe our memories.”

Geoff laughs, loudly and high, at that, completely ignoring Michael's comment about Ray. “Fucking wipe your memories?” Michael’s expression, previously almost repentant, turns to a scowl. “That’s fucking hilarious, man.”

“Shut the fuck up asshole, it’s not any weirder than any of the rest of this bullshit!”

At Michael’s outburst, Geoff is reminded of when he had met Michael for the first time just a couple weeks ago and he was pummeling Gav into the ground. It makes Geoff feel an alarming sense of fondness for the man. “So you’re coming to terms with the fact that there is an entire world most people don't know about out?”

Michael nods. “As much as I can come to terms with something that still seems like total bullshit.”

Geoff laughs again. “Damn, have you been drinking some vinegar or are you always- _VINEGAR_!” Geoff goes from zero to a hundred quickly, rushing from the balcony to the kitchen of Michael’s neighbor. Michael is calling out to him in confusion, but Geoff isn’t listening, too busy digging through the cabinets to look for what he needs.

Once he’s made what he needs- a glass full of a concoction that one cup of vinegar, one cup of pepper, one teaspoon of olive oil, and one teaspoon of dish soap- and hurries back outside, Michael is looking concerned, the glasses back on his face. “Geoff…”

The spider is getting rowdy, it’s spindly legs stretching out as it blinks its eyes curiously at the humans disrupting its sleep. Geoff doesn’t allow it any more time to get suspicious, instead dousing it in the concoction. The mixture takes effect immediately, and the spider begins to die quickly. Geoff looks away to see Michael’s reaction and he seems fascinated, watching the creature attempt to escape and fall over the edge of the balcony before it eventually crumbles to the ground and ceases movement. He then looks to Geoff and grins. “Fucking brutal.”

Geoff can’t help but grin back. “Welcome to killing monsters 101. Raw meat lures out sinus trolls and vinegar kills big ass spiders.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone enjoyed :D
> 
> (imo this chapter is kinda meh but im really excited about the next one)
> 
> hit me up at cinnabonthetrex.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know how to ride a bike and im kinda bitter that no one ever taught me

Normally when a concerned citizen and fellow monster hunter a few towns away approaches Geoff about a monster previously only believed to exist in D&D, Geoff gets right on taking caring of it, because he is- despite what people may say- a professional. He usually does not let it get to the point where an assassin vine spreads to his own town.

It’s just a lot harder to build up the enthusiasm to go figure out how to kill some fucking monsters when his semi-trusted assistant and life partner is down for the count.

“Gav, you haven’t left the house since your show two fucking weeks ago, you are a disgusting and pathetic human being.” Gav doesn’t reply, just flicks his glance from where Egg is resting on his stomach to Geoff. “I’m going to fucking reboot you, you piece of shit.”

Gav’s neutral expression turns to a glare as he stands, keeping Egg close to his chest. “I’m a clone, not a bloody robot.” He’s then stomping upstairs, and the bedroom door behind him makes an audible noise throughout the house.

Geoff wants to scream and throw the clicker, wants to slam his fists against the table and kick over the ottoman. He mostly contains himself.

The problem remains that as angry as Geoff is with Gav’s dickhead attitude, it _worries_ him more than anything. The two weeks of Gav secluding himself and moping around with only his cat is starting to point towards less just a shitty attitude and more some fucked up clone shit. The idea of something being wrong with Gav to the point where he would have to go visit Rooster Teeth to get fixed? Easily warrants at least two drinks.

The idea doesn’t hit him until he’s already bevved up, gotten supplies, and is seated on his bike. And once it does, he doesn’t give himself any time to think about how it might not be a great one until he’s already done it, already sending Michael Jones a text reading, ‘How about you pay me back for getting that troll out of your nose?’

He then spends the five minutes it takes Michael to respond staring at his phone and worrying his lip with his teeth, cursing himself for even considering it in the first place.

But when Michael’s reply- ‘Tell me what I’m doing first, fucking creep’- comes in and Geoff reads it in Michael’s voice, he can’t help but smile as he replies. ‘Come to my place. And bring the glasses.’

There isn’t a response but Geoff doesn’t leave, and he isn’t surprised when less then ten minutes later Michael is parking on the street in front of the house.

Geoff doesn’t like to sound like a fucking child but seeing Michael Jones walk towards him, in his torn up jeans and silly glasses resting on the top of his head like they’re sunglasses, it makes him feel warm. Warm, and content in a simple way, and this is the moment where Geoff realizes that he is totally fucking screwed.

Getting Michael to agree to go kick some plant’s ass is easy enough. Convincing him to get on Gav’s bike is a lot harder.

“Why aren’t we taking a fucking car?” He’s staring at the bike like _it's_ a monster, which it is absolutely not. Geoff checks the bikes at least every week.

“Because the assassin vine is deep in the woods, we’d have to walk for ages.” The realization hits Geoff and it almost hurts to not immediately burst out laughing. “You don’t know how to ride a bike.”

Michael looks up from the bike sharply, like he’s going to defend himself. “Well I didn’t know I would be going on a fucking bicycling monster hunt one day.”

Geoff does laugh at that, and gets off his own bike to head into the garage. He finds what he’s looking for quickly and returns to kneel behind Gav’s bike to attach what he had grabbed. He talks to Michael as he screws them on. “As much as I would love to teach you how to do something ninety percent of the planet knows, we don’t have time.”

Once they’re finally both settled, and Geoff is about to take off, Michael speaks up. “Why do you even _have_ training wheels?”

“They were Gav’s. Most memories transferred over from Gavin Prime. Muscle memory didn’t. He had to relearn when we moved here and started biking. The Gav you know is only actually eleven you know.”

Michael makes a face. “So I’ve been out drinking with a preteen all this time? Great.”

Geoff laughs so hard he almost tips off the bike. “Well he has the memories of a twenty-seven year old, if that helps.” Geoff is just about to kick off _again_ when Michael interrupts, and Geoff is wondering if Michael understands just how serious an assassin vine is. (Which he realizes is hypocritical given he’s put it off for over a week.)

“What’s wrong with Gavin?”

Geoff hesitates before answering, not wanting to say anything worrying to Michael that might be repeated to Gav later. “I don’t know. I’m working on it.” Michael just nods in response, and Geoff takes off before Michael can interrupt again.

He hears Michael curse loudly behind him, but he doesn’t slow. If Michael can’t keep up with training wheels, he shouldn’t be fighting monsters in the first place.

 

* * *

 

The ride to the woods where the assassin vine has been reported is longer than Geoff expected, and by the time they’re there he’s a little out of breath. Michael seems to be fine, and as much as Geoff wants to chalk that up to the ease of riding a bike with training wheels, it’s clear from the man’s forearms- tattooed, Geoff notices for the first time- that Michael is much more in shape than he anticipated. Which isn’t exactly what Geoff needs to think about.

They’re stopped outside the woods, and Geoff gets off his bike to grab a Taser from his backpack and so he can look at Michael. “Okay, the plan is-”

“Is that a Taser?” Michael blurts out.

Geoff wonders if this whole Michael interrupting him every other sentence thing is something he’s going to have to get used to. “Yeah. It’ll paralyze the vine.”

“It’s so… modern.” Michael seems almost disappointed, and Geoff kind of wishes he had brought something cool and ancient and magical to paralyze the monster with.

“Monsters have taken advantage of technology. Hunters have to too. So the plan-”

“So does that mean monsters use cellphones and shit?”

“ _Michael_.” As Michael interrupts him once again Geoff’s voice slips into a tone more fit for talking to a disobedient child- or more likely a disobedient Gavin. And as soon as it does, Michael’s mouth practically clamps shut and his eyes widen a tiny fraction, which is interesting and also not of importance at all in Geoff's current situation. “The plan is that we bike down this trail until we find a mean plant, you’re going to Taser it by pointing and pulling the trigger, and then I’m going to stab it to death.”

Geoff holds out the Taser and Michael grabs it eagerly, a wide smirk on his face. “Yes, sir.” His tone is teasing but Geoff can’t help but notice the pure _interest_  in his expression as Geoff reaches back into his backpack to pull out a knife.

They are back on their bikes quickly, and it’s only four minutes into the woods before Geoff slows. “Michael, did you hear that?”

“Uh, no.”

Geoff comes to a complete stop, putting the hand not holding the knife out behind him to make sure Michael doesn’t move or say anything.

Sure enough there is a vine on their left that Geoff spots out of the corner of his eye that is totally moving. A quick glance around and Geoff realizes that not only is the vine to their immediate left but the _entire left side of the_ _forest_. “Well, fuck.”

“Geoff?” He looks over to see Michael off his bike, wearing the supernatural glasses and pointing the Taser at the vine.

“Take a few steps back, Michael. Shoot when I say.”

Michael obeys immediately, and Geoff continues looking around for the source of the plant. It wouldn’t do them any good for Michael to Taser part of the vine that wasn’t close to the source, and the only way to kill it would be to stab it where it originated.

After a few moments Geoff turns to Michael to tell him that they need to bike a little farther, when he sees something that makes his heart hit his stomach. Michael is standing still, doing exactly what Geoff had told him. And around him are vines stretching out like tentacles from some sick anime, reaching for Michael.

Geoff vaguely remembers watching Little Shop of Horrors in his youth, and honestly that is the first thing he thinks of as he sees where the vines originate. A mouth with sharp teeth easily the size of Geoff’s leg and some horrendous pus-like substance dripping out of it has appeared out from the shadows. Time feels like it's moving in slow motion, but as soon as one of the vines has made contact with Michael’s leg, and the man’s blank expression turns to horror, Geoff springs into action.

He barely even realizes what he’s doing as he’s doing it, as he leaps forward to wrap one hand around the back of Michael’s neck and pull. They both go tumbling backwards onto the ground, but it brings Michael out of the grip of the rest of the vines, and Geoff has time to push him off to the side and bring the knife down on the vine still wrapped around his leg to fully release Michael. Before even thinking about carrying on with killing the plant, as soon as Geoff is standing he is helping Michael up, looking to see if he looks traumatized or like he’s panicking.

Geoff is surprised to find it’s the opposite, and as soon as Michael is standing he is shooting the Taser into the mouth of the plant.

“God damn, Michael.” Geoff is surprised, and honestly pleased, by how quickly Michael recovered from being grabbed by a monster and then thrown on the ground.

Michael just raises his eyebrows at Geoff and gestures to the now twitching monster. “Are you going to do the stabby stabby, or…?”

“Uh, yeah, right.” Geoff turns his attention back to the assassin vine, kneeling next to it’s fallen form. It’s even more fucking disgusting up close, and sinking the blade into its already oozing head only releases more of the pus in its mouth. It seems to not have bones, as stabbing it is easy and quick. Nearly twenty jabs later- when Geoff is sure the fucker wont be coming back- he grins at Michael from where he’s crouching on the ground. “You’re a natural!”

 

* * *

 

Much later that night- after they have biked back to the house, and Geoff has thanked Michael for monster slaying with him, and Geoff has watched Michael drive away far longer than is necessary or probably even appropriate- Geoff is taking a piss and Egg the cat is being an annoying piece of shit.

Somehow Geoff had been dumb enough to let the cat follow him into the bathroom, and what would normally be a perfectly average piss turns into Geoff attempting to not feel self-conscious about a cat rubbing at his legs while he pees.

When he’s finished what has to be at least the third most awkward piss of his life, and he goes to wash his hands, Egg is laying on his back in the sink. Feeling vindictive, and not afraid of cat scratches, Geoff turns on the sink.

Egg makes a horrible noise and practically flies out of the bathroom. Geoff laughs a little as he washes and dries his hands, and then goes into his bedroom is find Egg sitting on his bed.

Grabbing a tee shirt off the ground, Geoff goes to dry off the cat. Egg clearly forgives him easily, and Geoff turns his attention from drying the cat’s fur to drying his name plate. After a few wipes, he notices something strange.

Gav had misread the worn out name tag. The cat’s name isn’t Egg at all. The cat’s name is Edgar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoy
> 
> hmu at cinnabonthetrex.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

“Michael went monster hunting with me a few days ago.” It’s eleven thirty at night and Geoff is standing in the doorway to Gav’s bedroom. The clone is curled up in the fetal position on his bed, no longer even having the motivation to make it downstairs to crash on the couch. “He’s pretty great, I can see why you’re always slobbering on his dick.” Gav remains silent. “Dude, I need for you to talk to me right now.”

Geoff sighs loudly after a few more silent moments, and moves to sit on the bed. “Gav, buddy, can you at least shake your head for me?” Gav gives a slight but certain nod, and Geoff is so so relieved that he can even get that.

“Do you understand that you are acting strangely?”

A nod.

“Do you know what’s going on?”

A shake of the head.

“Is is su… Are you just feeling sad?”

A head tilt tells Geoff that Gav doesn’t understand the question.

“Uh, do you think it’s not a supernatural thing? That you’re just not feeling well?”

There’s no response, and Geoff waits a few beats before touching Gav’s shoulder. “Buddy?”

 _“I don’t know, Geoff!”_ The outburst is sudden but still muffled into the comforter. It’s the first words Geoff’s heard from him in four days.

Geoff doesn’t respond, doesn’t need to. He presses Gav’s shoulder more firmly, and thinks everything over. This is dire, and can’t be pushed away to be worried about but not dealt with anymore. The last two jobs Geoff has done- the spider and the demonic bastard child of Audrey II- he has done on his own, without having to call Burnie for help he shouldn't even really need. And it’s felt nice, to be competent at his job for what feels for the first time in forever.

But Gav isn’t just a job.

“I’m gonna get you help, buddy.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Burnie, we have a problem.”

Geoff realizes that Burnie must hear something in his voice that tells him that it’s a more serious situation than the normal variety, because there are no jokes or exasperation at Geoff’s call. “What’s wrong?”

“Gavin 6 is… I think he’s defective.” Talking about Gav this way- like’s he’s an object- makes Geoff feel wrong but he doesn’t know how else to communicate what’s going on.

“What the hell are you talking about? He’s always been defective. Are you really saying you’re just noticing this now?”

“No, no, no, not that.” Geoff is horrified that Burnie would even bring _that_ up, and is quick to change the subject. “There’s something else. He’s… sad; he’s depressed. It’s fucking weird, man, he’s been like an entirely different person for almost three weeks.”

Geoff listens to his own breathing while Burnie is quiet for a moment, contemplating.

“It isn’t a monster’s effect of some sort?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

Burnie sighs over the line, but it’s concerned rather than annoyed. “Alright, well, I guess get him a plane ticket to the home base. We’ll do some experiments in the lab.”

Geoff immediately feels nauseous. Somehow he hadn’t even considered that, that Burnie would want to take Gav away from him. He expected Burnie to give an immediate fix, something that Geoff just hadn’t thought of yet. The idea of sending Gav back to the lab in which he had been made for unknown experiments was fucking scary- especially when Gav could barely even get out of bed.

“Geoff?”

“Yeah, alright. I’ll call you with an update in the morning.”

“Geoff, liste-,” Burnie starts, but Geoff hangs up- and then can’t help from kicking the couch hard and cursing loudly. His bare foot aches.

And then he decides something, makes a split-second decision that’s been in the back of his mind for a few days. He peaks into the kitchen to see that Gav has wondered down there sometime during the phone call, goes upstairs, and sits on the floor in his bedroom and calls Michael.

For some reason talking to Michael- working with Michael- makes Geoff able to think. Geoff can’t put his finger on what it is- if it’s his want to impress Michael or if Michael is just simply _inspiring_ to him. And if ever Geoff needed an inspiration, needed to figure something out before he has to send Gav away, it’s now.

Michael doesn’t pick up the first time Geoff calls, or the second, which seems reasonable enough given the late hour. But Geoff isn’t giving up and on one of the last rings of the third call Michael picks up.

“Ramsey, what the _fuck_.” His voice is groggy and sluggish, confirming that he had indeed already been asleep.

“Michael, I need your help.”

“It’s fucking one in the morning, Geoff, can’t this wait?”

“No.”

And Michael must be able to tell that Geoff’s freaking out, because he groans loudly but doesn’t complain anymore. It sounds like he’s started doing something, like he’s gone outside. “What’s going on?”

“Gav is getting worse and I’m gonna have to send him back to the lab where we cloned him. And that isn’t a _bad_ place, but we fucking made mistakes back then, we didn’t know any better, so the clones don’t like it there, especially my Gavin. I should be able to fix him. He’s my Gav, I should be able to fucking fix him.” Geoff is breathing a little bit too quickly and wills himself to calm after his rambling, let’s Michael take everything in.

Michael sounds lost even as he begins to offer advice. “Man, it’s gonna be okay Geoff, but why are you calling me? I just learned about this shit, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Just…” And Geoff feels self-conscious saying it, even if it was the reason he called. “I just need to talk myself through it. It’s easier when you’re listening.”

For a few moments all Geoff can hear on Michael’s end is the sound of a body rustling and movement, but then Michael’s voice- still rougher than Geoff had gotten used to- comes through. “Well? Fucking talk then. Figure out how to fix my best friend.”

Geoff is already feeling calmer and more capable, along with feeling less like he’s bothering Michael. Michael cares about Gav too, wants to fix this as well. “It started the night after I came to pick him up from you assholes’ gig. The same night we got Egg, or uh, Edgar the cat. I don’t know how it would be the cat though. Even if it’s not a normal cat, I don’t know how it would change Gav’s disposition like this. Fuck, he walks around like a zombie, or like a ghost, barely living. It has to be supernatural, but I just can’t connect it to anything I know…” But even as Geoff is saying it one word sticks out and gears start turning in his head. “Ghost…”

“Geoff, hey, wait a second-”

But before Geoff can begin to elaborate on his revelation or Michael can tell Geoff what he needs to say, a positively squawkish scream comes from downstairs.

Geoff’s movements are rushed and a little clumsy. “I have to go Michael. Gav’s in danger.” Geoff hangs up before waiting for any response, and quickly grabs a gun from under the bed. And then, on second thought, a ghost gun as well. (A ghost gun, very similar to a normal gun, just slightly more translucent.)

Geoff is cursing up a storm at himself for being so pokey, especially when a resounding crash comes from the kitchen. But after he’s gathered both weapons, he makes it downstairs to find a scene he was not really expecting at all.

Most noticeable at first is the breeze in the room coming from the large window above the sink, usually closed, opened wide. And then Gav. The man looks surprised, but more alive and himself than he’s been in weeks. Egg/Edgar the cat is still in his arms, but his body is more relaxed and his eyes are bright as he stares at Geoff in complete befuddlement.

And then a kerfuffle on the ground: Michael Jones is wrestling with a man a good bit larger than himself, attempting to keep him on the ground. Admirably, the supernatural-seeing glasses have not fallen off as Michael and the mystery man roll around on the ground.

And then the last thing Geoff notices, despite it being definitely the strangest. In the middle of his kitchen there floats a ghost. She looks more substantial than most ghosts Geoff sees. He can make out long straight hair, and sharp eyes trained on Michael and the mystery man.

Not being quite clear on what’s happening, but knowing he has to do something, Geoff points the ghost gun at the ghost woman. “Everyone calm the fuck down.”

At the appearance of the ghost gun, the mysterious man settles down. Both he and Michael are out of breath. The man raises his hands up a little. “Okay, don’t shoot her, please don’t shoot her.”

Geoff meets Michael’s eyes and Michael stands, walking over cautiously to Geoff. Geoff hands him the normal gun and Michael points it at the man. (Geoff is in wonder, briefly, at how well they already work together.)

The intruders are still, the ghost glaring at Geoff and the man still holding his hands up nervously and breathing hard.

“Michael, Gav, what happened?”

Gav opens his mouth but then closes it, looking to Michael. Geoff keeps his gun trained on the ghost, but flickers his gaze towards Michael as well.

“When you called, I thought, fuck, I’ll go over there. I came just in time to see this asshole,” he gestures the gun down more towards the man on the ground, ”climbing through the window. I followed him and then this asshole,” this time he points to the ghost, “flew out of Gav’s throat like something from a fucking horror movie.” Gav is nodding in agreement to the story.

Even with as long as it had taken him to figure it, Geoff’s first thought is that he was _right_ and that is was a ghost fucking with Gav's head. (And his second thought is that he had called Michael for help and Michael had driven over to the house without a second thought, without even being asked, but he pushes that to the back of his mind for now.)

“So what is it?” He says, addressing the man still on the ground. “You’re a ghost hunter who found out she was possessing someone? You’re trying to capture that ghost?”

To everyone’s surprise, the ghost answers first. “No!” She shouts out, clearly offended by the idea.

The man on the ground is shaking his head almost violently. “No, no that’s not it at all. She… she’s my girlfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> i listen to the little shop of horrors soundtrack while writing this so if you want to pretend that instead of dressing like their normal selves geoff and michael dress like seymour and audrey you can. i do sometimes
> 
> hmu @ cinnabonthetrex.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

“So, let me get this straight.” Geoff is on his third drink, and has found himself sitting at his kitchen table across from a ghost- Lindsay- and her human boyfriend- Ryan. Lindsay has done most of the explaining- she’s bright in both personality and intelligence, and Ryan looks fucking exhausted though happy to see Lindsay. Thinking about what he had just been told, Geoff is feeling pretty exhausted as well. “You”- Geoff points at Ryan- “fell in love with a ghost, and have been visiting her every week for years at Kazoo Cemetery?”

Ryan nods and he gives a soft smile as he glances at where Lindsay is floating in a chair. “Yes. I have been.” Lindsay returns the smile with her own broad grin.

Geoff feels like he’s intruding on a _moment-_ a moment that is cute, sure, but also out of place and frankly, fucking weird. “Okay, not to be, like, a species-phobe, but how does that work? How can you even see her?”

Ryan shrugs a little. “My parents were witches. Shit happened.”

That isn't at all an answer to Geoff’s questions but after a few moments of nothing else, Geoff decides to move on.

“So, and I’m just making sure I got everything here- you normally visit her on Thursdays, but instead a few weeks ago you visited her on a Friday. The cemetery where Lindsay is buried is next to the abandoned Kmart parking lot where my friends play.”

Lindsay is nodding, and Geoff is distracted for a moment by how not ghostly she is. She’s been smiling since Geoff banished the lads upstairs and informed her and Ryan that he wasn’t planning on hurting them as long as they weren’t planning on hurting him. It’s bizarre to think this grinning girl is the thing that had been causing Gav to be the sad disaster he had been.

“Here’s where you lost me. The thing that ties Lindsay to this reality is a _cat_?”

Ryan is nodding this time. “Yes, Edgar.”

“I’ve known a lot of ghosts. I’ve never heard of a ghost’s tie being a living thing.”

“Lindsay isn’t an average ghost.” Ryan is giving his girlfriend another one of those sweet smiles, but his expression turns grim at his next comment. “And Edgar isn’t an average cat.”

Lindsay is laughing again, at something Geoff doesn’t get. “It’s an odd situation, but we’ve made it work. We’re sorry for causing you and your friends trouble, but to be fair the man I was possessing did steal my cat.”

“Your cat hopped in _our_ car.” Geoff countered, but he’s honestly done with blaming anyone for this entire fiasco. Gav’s safe, and that’s all that matters.

“Well, we’re sorry.”

“Edgar isn’t.”

Both Lindsay and Geoff give Ryan a look- Lindsay annoyed and Geoff confused- as Ryan positively glowers at the cat resting near his feet.

There’s an awkward silence following Ryan’s creepy-ass statement, and it falls on Lindsay to bring them all back to the conversation. “If there’s anything we can do for you, uh-”

“Geoff.”

“ _Geoff_. If there’s anything we could do-”

“There’s not,” Geoff cuts her off, “I promise. We’re good now.” Geoff can’t hold off the yawn that finally slips out. It’s been a tiring few weeks.

The couple across from him exchanges a glance. Ryan speaks up. “We’ll get out of your hair.”

"And you know, your bodies.” Lindsay adds, and Geoff lets out a slight chuckle.

“We’d appreciate that.” Geoff stands, and so do Ryan and Lindsay- well as much as she can. “I’ll show you to the door, you know, the way that most people enter houses.”

 

* * *

 

 

After watching Ryan, Lindsay, and Edgar the Cat drive away, Geoff finishes his drink and runs his hands through his hair a few times before continuing on with… everything happening. He climbs up the stairs, and his back is aching, along with his head, and really his entire being. Everything is worked out- well not everything, he thinks, Michael’s name echoing in his thoughts over and over again- but he still feels like he’s run a marathon.

Lost in thought, he almost runs face first into the open bathroom door. Geoff risks a glance in and sees Gav, shirtless and running a damp rag over his face. “Gavin.”

The clone drops the rag and turns to face Geoff. “Geoff! How did it go with the-”

But Geoff doesn’t want to talk about how it went with the ghost, doesn’t want to do anything but hug his best friend tightly and never let go. Gav tenses up but once he gets over the shock he shuts up and hugs Geoff back- arms falling around Geoff’s waist and head resting on Geoff’s shoulder.

Geoff almost wants to cry, because of how relieved he is, because of how worried he was, because of how real and alive Gav feels in his arms. Gav’s hair is soft and the bare skin of his back is warm and Geoff is thanking every cosmic force he’s ever heard of that he didn’t lose his Gavin.

They separate and Geoff opens his mouth to say something but none of the things he’s feeling- ‘I’m glad you’re okay.’ ‘I love you.’ ‘You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.’- are fitting, not for them.

So instead, he says something that he knows that Gav will understand means the same thing.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

And sure enough, Gav laughs and shakes his head. “Shut up, ya big softie.”

They lock eyes and a feeling of profound comfort falls over Geoff. He feels safe, like he’s a child at home with family. He feels like he did with the other four Rooster Teeth guys, in the beginning, before it all went to shit. It’s a pretty nice way to feel.

Gav turns back to the sink. “Well, Michael wants to talk to you, I’m gonna hop into a quick shower.”

“Thank God!” Geoff says loudly, taking a large step away from him like Geoff hadn’t just been holding him and rubbing his face in Gav’s hair and shit. “Laying on a couch for weeks has not done good for your hygiene.”

Gav swats at him noncommittally. “Go talk to Michael, you wanker.”

And there’s something in Gav’s voice, something mischievous and knowing that sets Geoff on high alert. “Uh, where is he?”

“Your bedroom.” And Gav is not so gently pushing Geoff out of the bathroom, and closing the door.

Geoff curses quietly. He was already uneasy about dealing with the final problem of the night, but Gav’s attitude- and the fact that Michael and Gav had a good hour alone together while Geoff was talking to Lindsay and Ryan- makes him absolutely anxious. 

With another, louder curse Geoff takes a deep breath and goes to hopefully get a resolution as happy as the others that have come from the Kitten Fiasco.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as Geoff walks into his bedroom, Michael begins talking as if he’s reading a script. A few words in and Geoff realizes he _is_ , at least, he’s reading from a book.

“'Ghosts are usually docile spirits who are tied to this dimension by an object that was important to their life as a human. Ghosts cannot be far from this item. When this item moves, the ghost follows. Similarly, when ghosts are forced away from their resting places, they must acquire a human host to stay alive. The host will be burdened with strong feelings of sadness'.” Michael closes the book and looks at the cover. He reads aloud the title, like Geoff doesn’t already know it. “ _Rooster Teeth’s Guide to Monsters, the Supernatural, and Other Weird Shit_. Written by Burnie Burns.”

“Rooster Teeth is the name of the organization I used to work for.” Geoff offers as an explanation.

“The place that made Gavin?”

Geoff nods. “Burnie is an old friend.”

“So the object that tied that ghost to this…. this dimension. It was that stupid fucking cat.”

Geoff nods again. “It hopped in our car the night you smashed Gav’s guitar. The ghost had to follow and she decided to take up residence inside of Gav.”

“Shit,” Michael says. He’s sitting on the edge of Geoff’s bed- the only place to sit in the room besides the ground- and has placed the book to the side. “But it’s all good now?”

“Yeah, it is. It’s all good now.”

“Good.”

“Michael…” Geoff wishes he could think of a better way to start this conversation, but he has to be certain of what he thinks is going on before he gets down to the nitty gritty. “How the hell did you get here so quickly?”

Michael looks down to his lap, not quite blushing but clearly taken aback by the suddenness of the question. “I left as soon as I picked up the phone. You sounded really fucking upset. You also said that it’s easier for you to talk things through to me.”

It’s Geoff’s turn to look away. “Yes, I did say that.”

When Geoff’s glance returns to Michael, he is standing and taking a large step towards Geoff until they’re standing right in front of each other, and Geoff can feel Michael’s breath on his face.

Then Michael kisses him.

It’s been a long time since Geoff’s had any semblance of romance in his life, but he is no stranger to kissing. His body seems to go into autopilot, even as his mind is racing. Put one hand here, the other there, soften up his lips, and- for _this_ kiss- keep his eyes open.

He can see that behind the silly glasses Michael's still wearing, Michael has _his_ eyes squeezed closed almost comically tight. His entire body feels tense, despite having been the one to initiate the kiss. Geoff trails a hand up and down his back until he can feel the other man relax. The kiss only lasts a few more seconds until Geoff forces himself to pull away, his eyes widening slightly when Michael follows him a little, not wanting to stop.

Michael’s wide eyes look like galaxies, and Geoff is in awe.

He stares a little maybe too long before clearing his throat and laughing a little. “So I guess that’s why Gav was giving me that prickish smirk.”

Michael shrugs and runs a hand through his hair, which distracts Geoff an awful amount. “Didn’t want to make it weird between me and Gavin before I did anything. You know how it is.”

 _That_ statement brings Geoff back to reality. “You asked for Gav’s blessing to make a move on me? Like I’m some blushing bride?”

Michael starts laughing hard, almost hysterically. Geoff can’t help but think that months from now, this will probably be the moment that he admits he first starts to fall in love with Michael Jones.

“So, do you want to go to dinner with me?” Geoff holds his arm out towards the door, and Michael’s eyebrows rise.

“Now?” Luckily Michael doesn’t seem to be protesting the idea of the date, but the time of it.

“Uh, yeah. Why not.”

“Because it’s fucking four in the goddamn morning, Geoff!”

Well, shit. That surprises Geoff more than he’s willing to admit, though he doesn’t know if he expected it to be later or earlier than it really is. But he’s determined. “How about breakfast then? I know a 24/7 diner where fairies gob into the coffee. It sounds gross but it’s actually really sweet and full of fiber, so you know, it’ll help you shit.” Geoff is grinning as Michael starts laughing again, this time nodding while he does so.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its over!!!!!! thank you to EVERYONE who read this, i hope you enjoyed it!!!
> 
> it was really fun to write a chaptered fic like this, and i really hope to be able to do it again
> 
> (((((,,,,psst if you wanna be a pal you can reblog [this story](http://shiftylarry.tumblr.com/post/132253289962/kittens-will-make-your-sad-go-away) on tumblr too,,,,))))
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoy and as always if you want to say hi or something, hmu @ cinnabonthetrex.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've ever written in my life and the first fiction thing I've written since school so constructive criticism is very welcome!! hmu at cinnabonthetrex.tumblr.com if you wanna say hi or anything!!!


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